Two ways to be sure this song was originally recorded by people who had just done a big pile of drugs: 1) Their frenzied pronunciations of "Happy Holidays" that kick in around 1:37 and 2) The fact that they thought the lyric "It's the holiday season/with the whoop-de-do and hickory dock/and don't forget to hang up your sock" deserved to be out in the world.
"Baby, It's Cold Outside"
The big obstacle here, really, is not that this song that annoying instantly-stuck-in-your-head quality. It's that (let's be honest) if you were ever stuck in a snowstorm at a guy's house and he started saying this stuff, you'd be having visions not of sugar plums but of the pepper spray under your bed you keep meaning to unpackage and put in your purse. Definitely don't put some records on while he pours, OK? You need to be watching exactly what goes into that glass.
"Christmas Shoes"
Yeah, I know, great message and "Mama's gonna look so great" and all, but this song is such a sappy hot mess, it makes me physically mad to think of how many professional adults who had to sign off on it before it became a radio mainstay. If you also find it totally cloying, let me educate you on a fun trick: I like to pretend that when the song is over, the kid runs out of the store, shouts "SUCKA!" and runs like hell with his free pair of sequined kitten heels. He dances in them all night like Michael from Billy Elliot, and his mom is fine, and Rob Lowe never stars in a TV movie based on this song.
__Now, if you wanna cleanse your palate from the very thought of these songs—click on over to Anna's roundup of vintage-pop-holiday classics and let 'NSYNC make it all better.
