Dear Emily,
I really enjoy biting my partner's chest and shoulders during intercourse and find that it helps keep me in the moment physically. It seems like when I lose physical contact between my mouth and my partner's body or mouth, it tends to result in me thinking more about the fact that I am having sex instead of really feeling present.
The problem is my previous and current partner have not been a fan of the marks left on their chest in the aftermath. Do you have any suggestions for other physical actions I can try that won't result in the “evidence” left behind, but can help keep me in the moment?
Thanks,Liz, age 26
Dear Liz,
I totally get where you are coming from with the whole biting thing—it’s so primal and can be almost like second nature when you’re in the heat of the moment. You’re feeling all of this pleasure, and biting is the way you make the physical connection; you desire your partner so badly you literally want to devour him!
While this might sound a little cannibalistic, it’s not. In fact, it’s totally human nature. Think about it: How often do women say they want to just "eat up" their own kids? Obviously the feelings you would have toward a bouncing little baby and your smokin’ hot beau are two completely different things, but you get the point. It’s an instinct that is deeply rooted in who we are. So embrace your primal prowess!
I actually used to be a biter. I remember several different boyfriends who came over the next day and were like, “Look what you did to me!” as they lifted their shirt and showed me a bite mark I had supposedly left the previous night. The funny thing was, I didn’t even remember doing it! I was so out of my mind and in the moment that I had no recollection of leaving my mark on my men. Luckily, they didn’t seem to mind.
Biting is a truly organic expression of how you are feeling: It’s pain, love, and sexual desire all rolled up into one, and it can be extremely, extremely hot. The important thing to remember is to find a comfort level for both you and your partner. You don’t want to bite so hard that he’s more focused on a potential trip to the ER than he is on the erotic pleasure he’s feeling.
And there are lots of potential reasons you feel the impulse to bite. For one (like you said), it keeps you in the moment and keeps you tuned into that intense physical connection. Another reason is that perhaps you want to bitten during sex? We often give what we want to receive. If this is the case, have you ever talked about it with your partner? A lot of guys are hesitant to jump on the biting bandwagon because they worry about hurting their partner. (Their mamas raised them right, after all.) But breaking your partner into biting usually requires nothing more than letting him know you're into it, and the positive effects that biting can have.
