Where does your guest list end?
Writes Save the Date reader Deena:
My fiance and I are in the process of putting together our guest list. My mom keeps asking whether certain people in our family are on the list—and they're not.
When I tell her no, she gets really standoffish and says, "Well it's YOUR wedding."
It IS my wedding! And I want something small and intimate! The family members she's talking about are people I rarely see or talk to unless it's a holiday or they need something. They haven't really met my fiance and they don't know us as a couple. Heck, they barely know me.
I just don't know how to explain to my mom that I'm not being mean, I just don't want to invite people to the wedding who I'm not close with. I don't know how to handle this without putting a major strain on my relationship with my mom. Help!
Here are my thoughts:
Well, I think the answer depends on whether your mom is helping to pay for the wedding.
If she isn't, I'd say, "We can only to have afford 50 guests. Unfortunately that means we can't include extended family members."
If she is giving you money, I think she has the right to request a certain number of guests. Based on the amount she's giving you, I think you need to give her a number—whether it's 5 or 25—and let her decide who's getting those invites. Like it or not, if she's contributing, she's hosting the party, too. Yes, it's your wedding, but if she's chipping in, it's more complicated than that.
Giving Rory's parents a number made life a lot easier for us. His mom wanted to invite Rory's second cousins and their kids—literally!—plus every co-worker his dad had ever had. Rather than picking and choosing, we said, "You get 50 invites—no exceptions. You can decide who they go to."
