I channeled this love for my new look into The 12ish Style, my blog that’s all about being chic at any size. I’d launched it while I was still married, but I wasn’t really taking it seriously. Then as soon as I got divorced I had nothing but this panic energy, where I was waking up at 4:30 or 5 every morning ready to go. So I was like "we need to put some real work into this." I signed a manager, an agent, I started writing more, and hired a real photographer.
Around this time, former Real Housewives star Carole Radziwill, who lost her husband at a young age, said something to me at a Christmas party that always stuck with me. She told me, “Ride the horse in the direction that it’s going.” To me it meant you can find strength in these moments where you think your life is over. You can’t change what has happened to you, so just go where the energy is good.
So The 12ish became my escape. I put everything into it. I took all the pain, anxiety, and uncertainty and pushed it toward something I felt passionate about. It blew up really fast, and each day I’d talk to women on the platform who had changed their opinion about themselves because of it. They’d tell me stories about learning to love their bodies in a bathing suit, or just finally being able to accept themselves. It felt amazing, and I really credit it with helping me get through my divorce. It wasn’t that I was specifically addressing relationships or my marriage on there, but to just suddenly have such a positive online community felt fucking amazing.
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It was like all of a sudden I hit a point where I just stopped caring so much. During my marriage I spent so much time worrying about everything, but then the relationship ended, and it didn’t matter. My fear of having something to lose was gone, and I kind of said, “Fuck it.” I was gonna wear jean shorts if I wanted to, embrace my body, and open myself up to men who thought I was beautiful.
