I suppose one could argue against "putting too many eggs in one basket," but I'm not even sure that's it; my best girl friend, Anna, with whom I grew up, lives out in Chicago, and although we don't spend hours together and only see each other a few times a year, if I lost her in my life, I'd be devastated. And, well, what's the other alternative? Putting up walls to make sure you don't get too close and get hurt? That doesn't sound like a fulfilling relationship to me.
Why am I bringing this up now if C and I broke up back in August, approaching a year ago, and I'm in a new relationship with potential? Well, two reasons: I'm seeing him for the first time in nearly four months on Monday. I'm honestly excited: we loved each other, and still do, and now that we've had some distance to establish lives outside of each other, I'm hoping that we can regain at least some of that closeness we had. I miss my best friend.
The other reason? Well, I'm starting to feel some of that with J, too. Granted, I didn't seem him nearly as much as I saw some of the other guys I dated, which was the problem, but we did a lot of substantial things together, and I confided a lot of substantial things in him. I tell Isaac everything, too, which I relish, but there's months of backstory with J that's hard to let go of, too. Frankly, he's one of my closest friends, and letting go of that part puts a knot in my throat. I don't want to have to go through that all over again--that friendship and connection makes me happy, and it feels so unnatural to cut something out of my life that makes me happy, especially when I have a rough day here and there. (More on that next week.)
I don't think I'm going to change the way I get close to Isaac as a result--that kind of closeness is what I want out of a boyfriend, but I'll admit I'm a little scared. I hate the idea of going through that kind of double-heartbreak again, though I'd be a little scared my brain had stopped working if* I weren't.*
Have you ever lost a boyfriend-and-best-friend in a breakup? How did you deal with it? Has it changed the way you approach relationships?
P.S. Wait. Before sign off, I have to say a massive, massive thank you. I was out-of-my-mind overwhelmed with your virtual hugs and love and support from my post last week. When I wrote it, I was convinced no one was going to read it because it was the length of a trashy romance novel, but not only did you read it, your words made me feel like I had 30 best friends from all over the country. Eep, I l adore you all!
P. P. S. On a COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE, I need a husband like this. I want math pancakes for my imaginary unborn genius offspring.
Photo: Thinkstock
