I wanted her hair to be more moisturized, which I thought would help with her hair loss. I love organic coconut oil for my own hair, so I started to use it in her hair every other day to lock in the moisture and keep her hair shiny. This worked for a while until she turned one and her hair changed dramatically again. It became much more coarse and hard to comb through. Sophia also started fighting me every time I tried to wash her hair. She cried whenever water touched her face and would not sit still long enough for me to style it.
I wouldn't go as far as to say that I felt like a bad mom, but I definitely felt frustrated. As someone who's spent years doing natural hair, I thought this would be the easy part of motherhood. Was she too young to use the products I used on my hair? When was the right time to use actual shampoo and conditioner on a baby? I was second-guessing everything I thought I knew.
On top of that, being Black and a new mom, I was afraid of being judged because of how my daughter’s hair looks. For years Black women have had to deal with social prejudices around wearing our hair in its natural state. Society has deemed this unprofessional or “unkempt.” Even as these discriminatory beauty ideals have finally begun to evolve, it’s been a struggle to embrace how I see myself and how I wear my hair.
I don’t want that for my daughter. I want her to wear her hair proudly and know she’s more than her hair. Recently I’ve been reading the book Hair Love, which celebrates a little girl’s natural texture and all the ways her hair is special, to Sophia before bedtime. I want to instill in her that no matter what her texture is, her hair is beautiful all the same.
And yet, for all the articles and message boards I found on children's hair, I couldn't find any resources specifically on Black babies' hair. So one late night I went down a hole on YouTube—which, as a new mom, is basically my solution to everything now. There I found several videos from Black mothers who were experiencing the same issues I was. I just felt so comforted to know I wasn’t alone and that they had real advice beyond “this happens.”
Ten months later and after a few trials and errors, I finally have a better understanding of how to care for my now two-year-old's hair. Every other Sunday she gets excited when I tell her it's time for her wash day. As I let her pour the water over her own head, I'll ask her questions about what she likes or what book she wants to read. She'll hold her rubber bands for me as I stretch out her curls. And when it's finished, she'll look in mirror and say, “I look pretty.”
